Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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