can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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