Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
