Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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