She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
