do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
