i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
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We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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