When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
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Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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