last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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