Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
