I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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