If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
