I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
