So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
