Already got asked if we're dating
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
