I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
