EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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