If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
