His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
