grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
