Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize