Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
