The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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