So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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