I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is the high leading the old right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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