so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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