well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
