I need help removing her.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
