Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
