i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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