This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
