he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
