My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
