I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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