I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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