loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
