smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
