I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
