When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just had sex on a roof
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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