We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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