Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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