Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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