i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I believe in your delicious
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
