I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
