Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
