My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
