Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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