Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
