yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
