What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
