AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
