it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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