i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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