You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
