Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
