After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
