just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
