It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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