He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
