your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
