who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
