Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
