I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
