Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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