trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
