i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
