If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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