So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
