When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
